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The shift you don’t realise you’re already making
Most people imagine career change as a decision.
A moment.
A choice.
A clean line between the old life and the new one.
But when I think about the senior leaders I’ve worked with over the years, very few describe it that way in retrospect.
What they describe is something quieter.
A gradual loss of fit.
A slow dimming of energy in rooms that used to light them up.
A growing inability to talk about their work with the same conviction they once had.
A quiet sense that the version of them showing up to meetings isn’t the same version doing the actual thinking on the drive home.
By the time they’re sitting across from me, the “decision” has often already happened.
They just haven’t said it out loud yet.
The gap between the inner shift and the outer move
There’s almost always a lag between the internal shift and the external move.
The inner change usually starts months, sometimes years, before anything visible changes on the outside.
And during that gap, the most common feeling isn’t confusion.
It’s friction.
Friction in conversations that used to feel easy.
Friction in describing what you do.
Friction in saying yes to opportunities that, on paper, you should want.
That friction isn’t a sign something is wrong.
It’s usually a sign that the inner version of you and the outer version of you have stopped matching.
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What the friction is actually asking
When most leaders feel that friction, they try to solve it externally.
A stronger narrative.
A better profile.
More networking.
Sometimes that helps.
More often, it doesn’t.
Because the friction usually isn’t asking you to perform better.
It’s asking you to notice what has already changed.
The leaders who move through this period well are often the ones who become honest with themselves about three things:
What they no longer want, even if they’re still good at it.
What they’re now drawn toward, even if they can’t fully explain why yet.
And what they’ve quietly been building capacity for, often without even realising it.
Those questions rarely give you the full answer immediately.
But they start giving shape to it.
This week’s thinking
If you’re sitting in that gap right now, the place where something inside you has already shifted but the outside hasn’t caught up yet, it may be worth asking:
What is the friction actually pointing to?
What have you quietly been outgrowing while everyone around you still relates to the previous version of you?
And what would it look like to let the newer version of you be the one that finally enters the room?
The decision usually isn’t the hardest part.
The harder part is allowing yourself to notice you may have already made it.
Melissa’s note
One of the most rewarding parts of this work is watching someone realise they’ve been carrying the answer for much longer than they thought.
Not building it from scratch.
Recognising it.
The shift is rarely about becoming someone new.
It’s about finally catching up to who you’ve already become.
Until next Friday,
Melissa